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The Big Sleep: Future

by Golden Ghost

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1.
Killer Whale: This one life bore a myth all its own And the myth bore the mystery Whoever found it, all would follow As if it was their own Several years before the severance of time When the screens sieved the body from the mind She found it, and they followed But the changes had their day In the palm of my hand Right here universe melts and facets Dark ages and shining moments Little Rabbit: I stood between two universes Didn’t belong to either one anymore Alone floating in the space where we let ourselves go Ain’t I a ghost if no one sees me, what could be If only . . . Killer Whale: Death lost in order of fear and desire when satisfied wanted to know what lies beyond the edge form lost in order to push through the prism they wanted to feel the bones lying in the earth again Little Rabbit: killer whale what is it like out there? will I even know when the end comes flowers bending towards the glow wanted to feel the sun warm their hearts again Killer Whale: Return to life! Was it hard to take the hardening of space Did you understand Why? Return to life! I see your broken hands taking form in mine Did it devastate being made to take Your place again in endless life? Endless life from a boundless light Little Rabbit: Will I ever, will I ever, will I ever know? If I found it, would they follow Or leave me to strike out alone— To feel the earth again? Now memory’s trodden-down strawberries There’s only this I see—remembering phosphenes Clouds on the cobblestones And the light forms The towering vine The waking dream Of endless life from boundless light Boundless light from endless life . . .
2.
Immortal 10:21
Must’ve left there on a dark ship My eyes falling open to a new day When they shut the door to the big sleep We just kept on wandering lives Must’ve stayed that way for a little while Tiny down creature watching the light Everywhere you look hatches are falling open Bearing life with little sighs They stand all day at the cherry laurel Pondering the way, immortal A monument that dipped in the brushes A subtle fostal from an old soul Who found the story for her own light And every hell she’d ever been through The singularity broke us apart Severing the tendons connecting our hearts Before we had a chance to stand We’re crumbling again Life’s light hit harshly But we never died Must’ve been a dark march into the future No memories to guide me No signs no golden powers Just teeth a little brown at the junctures This universe I was born to Won’t lift you up all on its own It’s a slow apocalypse Full of places to into Must’ve chanced on a light beam bouncing through the stars One in a million easy and free Rose to unlikely heights but Ain’t I a ghost if it’s vanished from my mind? Why do you wait for me? I am no one And so far away Why do you count on me? I am no one.
3.
The mirror was clear and we passed through easily You and me, no sunlight, no fog One billion lives of sand brushed off our shoulders We seemed to know each other still My sister the silent one it’s coming from afar Across a wasteland set to perfect order Just past the roses, eating up the light The end, bathed in the night The way, lit by a black moon I knew we were friends of the edge steady as church bells swaying with all their might against the chaotic din of life Then you doubting me said brother I’ve been up early But time keeps on moving faster The lightning in my veins pushes toward the future I’m trembling all the time I’m blind to roses in a wasteland In a ground white with bone But be my friend of the edge I wish we had more time
4.
Precipice 06:18
In the center of the universe There’s a precipice Where I would dangle my legs Let ‘em hang out in space In the center of the universe There’s an infinite drop Where if I leap on a whim No one knows where I would go But the rest of my days Curl ‘em back to honest ground Though every inch of this place Wants to melt away Cause the edge is the knife Cause the edge is the middle Where we battle the muses and they open their hands Touching a line to the wide open mind To the void, drag me along, away somewhere, from the hall of mirrors Where I’m not ashamed about being alive If I’m even alive . . . On the edge of the precipice There’s a pinprick pool Warm and immaculate Quiet as the night in the forgotten place I look to the stars Endless but not enough The perfection of all things, right here Had to cut me like a knife.
5.
Fata Morgana 04:15
Off in the distance I see a shape Like a palace in the sky Tugging the knots inside of a body The natural divide But it’s usually just of reach So I look back to the screen But I saw you walk straight out of a memory And I was keen to follow I recall from from back in the dream Whenever we first meet I talk too freely I give up the game right away Under the stairs are the borderlands Where I’m not smiling Heavy and hiding Oh, if you’d stay a few more hours Shape shifter, I know you can Where you gaze the whole world changes I see it passing over me again Off in the distance I see a shape Like a fortress in the sky A question mark inside of a body Opens its horrors Spinal cords Lips of the roses Eater of corpses Hold up my hands in the bestial den Enough of this golden skin Well lure me in let the rest dissolve On your home planet we battle with space To make a vacuum of our amends I tell myself that separation Is a kind of touching When you are gone I sit upon the twilit shore Wait for the vision to reappear Your castle on the horizon
6.
When you left me my mind wouldn’t stay Letters and numbers were figures with nothing to say The night filled with people all going nowhere I stopped asking the time or the way Amidst the bustle I carved out a space Sat heavy like a stone Who tries to call me out into the world Cannot charm me, will never wile me away Ain’t I a ghost if there’s nothing to say? Dying to the world again, albatross Never would catch a whale and anchor home
7.
When I’m alone this is where love goes bouncing through the universe in song I’ve changed scenes through the screens, The stories all shared between We saw the end of the anthropocene Every drop of blood lost could I carry on? These stories passed down to me And banished from my memories Hiding the way encoded In a meager untrustworthy skin I paint these pictures to tease you That you might (also) find it within At the liminal moment Before the transformation You could find infinity there Or just another beginning No rites, just passage No one to tell us where to go When I’m alone this is where love goes out the pores, into the universe Where’s the disease, without a body? for love to wrestle within? As the void becomes life I’m slow against space and time Too soft against a force I don’t believe in When will nothing be proven? Must it all be taken away? Must everything be taken away? At the liminal moment Before the transformation Underwater, seeing stars Floating by the law Resisting by a secret song Returning in a new skin One we’d desired or sinned against And forgotten once again At night the shadows, shadows of your knots Whipped apart in alarm Seeing life, no longer in a line Please don’t tell anyone! Omnascent, atomized by fear Little rabbit in the barren field Pulling shapes I’ve never seen before Please don’t let her find me anymore! Where does love go when I’m alone When the lights go out and the darkness starts to glow It circles back around, a knife in my side Please don’t tell anyone! In the morning I get angles, no one to break them Soft blue yellow and green But the angels hoist me up to the fountain, To feed me, to keep me alive. At the liminal moment Before the transformation Middle Orbit seeking the big sleep Human seeking the end
8.
Ash Planet 09:10
Oh, pilgrims, take a look around Don’t you remember how it used to be? You’re having a good time walking the highway lines They go on forever now You’ll never see the end Ash planet, Home to no one You here with me, remembering Visceral highway scene, near the end of the world How I loved everything, except being here inside of me Dust bunny, volcano Braving the landlocked life for a moment Touching outside, colors Rise and sway, rotate and wade Arms raised, you and me In Heaven, the forgotten place In a pool of water The two of us flashing back at us We sink below, heavy boats Unsound dragging each other down Shivering ‘neath the undulating waves We bob and stray Love was the rise of the full moon, the tide coming in toward the unknown, Falling back again Buried in your waves, killer! But I was above you, out of breath, I left you there alone The end of my road The end of my road, so quiet and still When past and future strike they crumble We can find the way appear there soft and clear A mirror soft and clear Oh pilgrims, take a look around Don’t you remember how it used to be? Rise and sway, rotate away In heaven, The forgotten place Oh, heaven!
9.
No Roses 05:05
It’s amazing I get sick with joy Spill out the insides To the void Universe Goodbye BOOM! of a lightning strike On the inside But what do I want? This joysick, a bright light, this featherweight feeling This kindness This knowing all the thoughts in your head? No, I ain’t free Take a look over the edge There’s nothing I’ve ever known before. There’s no roses no anchor no pot there to piss in No soft and no sweet no emotional release No way to turn back now, no meeting the masses no Roses no wasteland no nothing That I’ve ever known before No, the vision’s forgotten without such immersion To lose all the longing to be in the world I never saw the leaves change before the trees were bare Just the wind at my back and a chill in the air Do you think this is one thing, and illusion another? There’s something unknown in an unblinking stare And against all odds kindness sits down in the middle And lifts up the gloom with her warmth and her light And when you are calm and forgotten the winter She’ll speak in your ear with a chilling whisper There’s no roses no enemies no marching armies To fight against no one to point when you fall There’s nowhere to turn back to no bloody battles No roses no wasteland no nothing That I’ve ever known before I’ve made pure the shadows I emptied the shelves I’ve swept up the floor Made a wasteland of life You don’t know what lack is, this universe Is a bottomless, blossoming fearsome and colorful BOOM! And Yyou go on forever tryin’ to get beneath it all And you fall, and you fall, and you fall . . . Transcending the prophecy
10.
These days I wake up early and I go to bed on time And when I see my mother I run up to her side I was wrong. I always return. I woke up like a newborn with old songs in my head Banished to the fields again, the innocent's dread Late patch of summer strawberries My mind is a smooth and seamless wall without a hold to climb or crawl I blend into the scenery, I hide from you, Through the ages, tucked in time I don't mind The future Sleeps close to me Do you want to know where we have been, the severed paths they mend their threads We swept it all behind us by the end of the day So we could sleep and not worry About what's followed us here Though our racing hearts only kept us warmer And there's the fiercest sorrow in letting go Even if you don't know But I let go into that warmth The future Sleeps close to me

credits

released August 16, 2019

All songs written by Laura Goetz.
Published by Epifo, ASCAP / Golden Ghost Music, ASCAP.
Recorded and produced by Laura Goetz in Boulder, CO and Endicott, NY.
Mastered by Evan Bradford in Los Angeles, CA.
Celso plays viola on tracks 1, 7, and 10.
Pogo sings on track 3.
© and ℗ Epifo Music.

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